My sheets look like a crime scene.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize