I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
