I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this just has baby written all over it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
