oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
