I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish my penis had a tongue
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
