Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You made out with two different species that night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
