halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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