im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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