the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
