So drunk its hurt
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
