so explain again why im purple
no
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
