Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize