Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
