Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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