youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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