so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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