seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
