Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
