if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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