Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
