yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
