Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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