lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
