Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
