I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
