I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
