I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
