Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
