My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
