Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
