"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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