I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
