youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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