Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
