The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
