Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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