so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
