i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
