I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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