Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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