so that wasnt chicken after all
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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