If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
