so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
