just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
