I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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