Even water is tasting like jack daniels
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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