Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
