He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
