im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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