My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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