I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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