did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He shit in the fireplace
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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