Dual....:-)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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