I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
