tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
