Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
