so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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