at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
