that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
