Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
