After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
