I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
