My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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