What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
