I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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