The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
