Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
