A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
